grace of love

Every year around this time, I pull this story out, although it surfaces within my mind throughout the year, I feel as though today – it emphasizes a part of humanity & history that we as humans struggle to personally face. A part of our lives that we all enjoy knowing, but many of us tend to shelve it throughout the year only to dust it off around the holidays. How do I know this? Because I am just as guilty as the rest of the world… 

The day is over, you are driving home. You tune in your radio. You hear a little blurb about a little village in India where some villagers have died suddenly, strangely, of a flu that has never been seen before.

It’s not influenza, but three or four fellows are dead, and it’s kind of interesting. They’re sending some doctors over there to investigate it. You don’t think much about it, but on Sunday, coming home from

church, you hear another radio spot. Only they say it’s not three villagers, it’s 30,000 villagers in the back hills of this particular area of India, and it’s on TV that night.

CNN runs a little blurb; people are heading there from the disease center in Atlanta because this disease strain has never been seen before.

By Monday morning when you get up, it’s the lead story. For it’s not just India; it’s Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, and before you know it, you’re hearing this story everywhere and they have coined it now as “the mystery flu.”

The President has made some comment that he and everyone are praying and hoping that all will go well over there.

But everyone is wondering, “How are we going to contain it?” That’s when the President of France makes an announcement that shocks Europe. He is closing their borders. No flights from India, Pakistan, or any of the countries where this thing has been seen.

That night you are watching a little bit of CNN before going to bed. Your jaw hits your chest, when a weeping woman is translated from a French news program into English: “There’s a man lying in a hospital in Paris dying of the mystery flu. It has come to Europe.” Panic strikes.

As best they can tell, once you get it, you have it for a week and you don’t know it. Then you have four days of unbelievable symptoms. Then you die.

Britain closes it’s borders, but it’s too late. Southampton, Liverpool, Northhampton, and it’s Tuesday morning when the President of the United States makes the following announcement: “Due to a national security risk, all flights to and from Europe and Asia have been canceled. If your loved ones are overseas, I’m sorry. They cannot come back until we find a cure for this thing.

Within four days our nation has been plunged into an unbelievable fear. People are selling little masks for your face. Some are talking about what if it comes to this country, and preachers on Tuesday are saying, “It’s the scourge of God.” It’s Wednesday night and you are at a church prayer meeting when somebody runs in from the parking lot and says, “Turn on a radio, turn on a radio.” While the church listens to a little transistor radio with a microphone stuck up to it, the announcement is made, “Two women are lying in a Long Island hospital dying from the mystery flu.” Within hours it seems, this thing just sweeps across the country.

People are working around the clock trying to find an antidote. Nothing is working. California, Oregon, Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts. It’s as though it’s just sweeping in from the borders.

Then, all of a sudden the news comes out. The code has been broken. A cure can be found. A vaccine can be made. It’s going to take the blood of somebody who hasn’t been infected, and so, sure enough, all through the Midwest, through all those channels of emergency broadcasting, everyone is asked to do one simple thing: “Go to your downtown hospital and have your blood type taken. That’s all we ask of you. When you hear the sirens go off in your neighborhood, please make your way quickly, quietly, and safely to the hospitals.”

Sure enough, when you and your family get down there late on that Friday night, there is a long line, and they’ve got nurses and doctors coming out and pricking fingers and taking blood and putting labels on it.

Your spouse and your kids are out there, and they take your blood type and they say, “Wait here in the parking lot and if we call your name, you can be dismissed and go home.”

You stand around scared with your neighbors, wondering what in the world is going on, and that this is the end of the world. Suddenly a young man comes running out of the hospital screaming. He’s yelling a name and waving a clipboard. What? He yells it again! And your son tugs on your jacket and says with a grin, “Daddy, that’s me.”

Before you know it, they have grabbed your boy. “Wait a minute, hold it!” And they say, “It’s okay, his blood is clean. His blood is pure. We want to make sure he doesn’t have the disease. We think he has got the right type.”

Five tense minutes later, out come the doctors and nurses, crying and hugging one another – some are even laughing. It’s the first time you have seen anybody laugh in a week, and an old doctor walks up to you and says, “Thank you, sir. Your son’s blood type is perfect. It’s clean, it is pure, and we can make the vaccine.”

As the word begins to spread all across that parking lot full of folks, people are screaming and praying and laughing and crying. But then the gray-haired doctor pulls you and your wife aside and says, “May we see you for a moment?

We didn’t realize that the donor would be a minor and we need . . . we need you to sign a consent form.”

You begin to sign and then you see that the number of pints of blood to be taken is empty. “H-h-h-how many pints?,” you ask. And that is when the old doctor’s smile fades and he says, “We had no idea it would be a little child. We weren’t prepared. We need it all!”

“But -but…” “You don’t understand. We are talking about the world here. Please sign. We – we need it all -we need it all!”

“But can’t you give him a transfusion?”

“If we had clean blood we would. Can you sign? Would you sign”

In numb silence you do. Then they say, “Would you like to have a moment with your son?” You go into that room where he sits on a table saying, “Daddy? Mommy? What’s going on?”

Can you take his hands and say, “Son, we love you, and we would never ever let anything happen to you that didn’t just have to be. Do you understand that?”

When that old doctor comes back in and says, “I’m sorry, we’ve -we’ve got to get started. People all over the world are dying.” Can you leave? Can you walk out while he is saying, “Dad? Mom? Why – why have you forsaken me?”

And then nextweek, when they have the ceremony to honor your son, some folks sleep through it, and some folks don’t even come because they go to the lake, and some folks come with a pretentious attitude.

“MY SON DIED! DON’T YOU CARE?”

Is that what God may be saying? “MY SON DIED. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE?”

Father, seeing it from your eyes breaks our hearts. Maybe now we can begin to comprehend the great love you have for us. Amen 

im going back to bed

I have the measles and the mumps,

A gash, a rash and purple bumps.

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,

I’m going blind in my right eye.

My tonsils are as big as rocks,

I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox

And there’s one more–that’s seventeen,

And don’t you think my face looks green?

My leg is cut–my eyes are blue–

It might be instamatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,

I’m sure that my left leg is broke–

My hip hurts when I move my chin,

My belly button’s caving in,

My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,

My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.

My nose is cold, my toes are numb.

I have a sliver in my thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,

I hardly whisper when I speak.

My tongue is filling up my mouth,

I think my hair is falling out.

My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,

My temperature is one-o-eight.

My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,

There is a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is–what?

What’s that? What’s that you say?

You say today is. . .Saturday? 

G’bye, I’m going out to play!”

I woke up this morning unable to breathe, struggling to move, and pained with the ever throbbing throat. Every time I get sick I have this desire to pull out all of those old childhood stories by S. Silverstein. I have sleep entirely for the past three days, and does my body feel better? Thats a negative ghost-rider. Of course after these two days want to know how much homework I have completed? Get ready for it… a whole whopping three paragraphs on my group counseling paper… dear Lord I am such a slacker sometimes… I’ll blame it on the nyquil. Some days I struggle to understand why my body is constantly plagued by illness… maybe its autoimmune – although its probably (or more so, most likely) the intense lack of sleep, the incredibly large amounts of external responsibilities and duties… and the procrastination that causes me to complete many of them at around 11pm at night… Hopefully I will be back in action and kicking it by tomorrow… I can only imagine the amount of work piling up on my desk… 

And no, its not Saturday… I am not going out to play…

the word cloud

Apparently, these are the most common things I talk about, and words I use alot here… 

life lessons. learned.

Its not usual that I actually end up posting my journalings on the world wide web, but today, for some reason, it feels a bit cathartic and something that I feel I need to openly express and do a little bit of self disclosure. Maybe its because it is March first, the beginning of a new leaf. Maybe its just because it is 3 o’clock in the morning, maybe, however life has just smacked me in the face and I need to continue to process it. So if you feel so inclined to wander the deep dark daunting areas of my mind, as well as the run on “stream of conscience” sentences of mine – bear with me, and read on. 

This week has been a very interesting week, to say the least. I guess maybe the best thing to say is that it has been an emotional roller coaster.  This week I faced some pretty big giants that forced me to break down some walls, and climb over the ones that I just wasn’t strong enough to battle against. I had to really re-evaluate my sense of self, and my need to feel/LOOK like I have it all together. But who am I fooling? Myself mostly. Thankfully I have an amazing support group within my family that helped pull me out of this dark rut and get me to a point were I felt physically capable of standing on my own. Today marked the end of my LSAC self awareness & skills labs, needless to say – going in, I knew that if I was poked in just the right area, the arena of tears would follow. And… wow… they did. And guess what. I survived. Can you believe it? I am sure still wondering how I managed.

I had to take a chance a not being invisible, not being the cherry – happy go lucky gal; and just be in the moment, be me, allow myself to show that I am not all society tells us that we need to show to others. I am amazed how often I don’t allow that to come out. Does anyone else suppress that stigma? After about 9 Kleenex’s and spilling my emotional insecurities, I actually got somewhere, somewhere I didn’t really think of when this week began. I really noticed how I create this aura of hope and love towards others, and adore to fill their emotional banks, but refuse to accept it back – in turn, leaving mine empty. Wow. I have been through HOW MANY psycho-educational classes, and just now this is clicking – a bit depressing. But incredibly liberating to actually notice that I am really putting myself into the position of not accepting, or even consciencely believing/identifying, with the good things about me.

After group, I shut off, and attempted to quit processing, as it was just making me more frustrated with my self. Then… these lyrics came at me like a  flying banchi from the radio waves.

“Its not about having what you want, its wanting what you’ve got” – Sheryl Crow

I didn’t think that they were really going to effect me as I car danced my way down the road towards home, but they really sunk deep. We spent hours processing the negative self talk that we (ok – me) give ourselves (myself), and yet, this song struck me more into more processing power than I believe I was even ready for. How often do we sit and believe that if we just get “so and so’s” approval or we hear kind comments that we can believe their messages without changing the negative recordings in our own minds? Damn… I am still struggling, I probably will forever, but AMEN, for my AMAZING family, anesti, and the fabulous group members I had today that didn’t expect me to be what I expected my self to be or judge me for struggling in life. 

On another note – my site remodel is moving along a bit slower than I thought, I have only changed my plans – entirely scrapping the prior – about 3 times. I have decided to (sub) name this model “life lessons. learned.” I believe this accurately depicts the phase of life that I am in right now, and really focuses on the here and now than some of the other designs that I have made. I will hopefully have it ready for release by the end of March (fingers crossed)

Well… thats all I have in me for the moment… good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

2008 | a year in pictures | reuters.com

Happiest Holidays

God bless all of your travels and celebration this season.

barack obama elected

President-elect Barack Obama walks on stage at his victory celebration in Chicago with his wife, Michelle, and daughters Malia and Sasha. Photo by Scott Olson / Getty Images

Prior to the landslide win in the electoral college, at apporximately 9 p.m. Mountain Standard Time,with two time zones’ polls still open; Senator John McCain anncounced his concession from the race for president. 

About 20 minutes ago, Senator Barack Obama took the stage with his Wife, and two lovely daughters to address the nation, and accept the position as the president elect.

It is now 10:30 p.m. and the precincts are slowely reporting their tallys, at this time the electoral college is at a landslide 338 to 156 for Obama to be the next president… 

As well, the Democrats have obtained at least nine more seats in the house and senate and are currently in control of both. This indeed has been a history making day, as we will usher in a new era with 2009; and inaugurate the first African-American President of the United States.

Obama elected the 44th President – msnbc

Good Night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Obama wins Ohio….

The projected victory makes it very difficult for Obama’s rival John McCain to win the White House. No Republican has ever become president without winning Ohio. 

As of 8:00 p.m. Mountain Standard Time Obama has collected a total of 207 electoral votes, and McCain comes in at 127…. right now we can only sit, listen, and pray that the Lord will bring who he wants (not like he wouldn’t – and already has it ‘planned’…), into the office come January. This is the most history-book-writing election of our time, sure hope you all got out there and did your civic duty

Obama Wins Ohio – msnbc 

the weekend of 21

First off God is AMAZING. I just got back from camping out with 300 of my best friends (and yes, many were MIA . God reached into the hearts of <b>21</b> souls this weekend and urged them to be baptized!!! Take that satan

Secondly, I <b>LOVE</b> the Provo church members (and the Colorado guys too) you all were awesome to sit, converse, and pray with. I love you all.

Third, I turned 21 this Friday!!! Yay… So two awesome things about that number this incredible weekend.

Fourth, my bathtub looks like the cat and the hat came to town… if you have no idea what I am inferencing too, go to the store get the book and find out… ha ha…

Fifth, <b>NO</b> major injuries (not even for me, ha ha), Phillip Falls was not re-enacted either.

God is good.

grace and peace,
Kate

P.S. Tristan and Shay make me smile.

P.S.S. Pictures will be up tonight.

Aiming for Aurora

Hey guys! Some of my really good friends are just heading out on there first tour  

They will be hitting up Nebraska, Colorado, Wyoming, Kansas, Wisconsin, Indiana, And of course Minnesota

Their tour dates our on the myspace profile, so if you are in the area on one of those dates, you really should go see them

Check them out @ http://www.myspace.com/aimingforaurora 

Peace out.

Allegri